roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you win again, gameday.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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