Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
