O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
