i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Acid is not a monday night drug
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
