I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
