i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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