He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
