All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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