Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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