I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
