At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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