why didn't you poke me back
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
