Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
