i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
