i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
