I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
