Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
