Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
