peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
so much tequila, so little girl.
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