yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
