1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
