just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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