i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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