I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
