i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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