I think i peed on brittanys purse
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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