I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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