I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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