I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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