OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
