Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
