You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
