I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Randomize
