yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
