Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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