The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
