What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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