Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
