I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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