please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
