you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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