Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
