so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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