she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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