If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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