I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
