you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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