Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
