I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
