FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
